Don't be surprised if this journal mysteriously has another journal on top of it in a few minutes. Parts of my family look over my DA page from time to time to.. I dunno...need a reason to shake their fists in disdain. At this point, I don't know what the fuck that side of the family thinks, and I honestly don't care anymore. I've learned to try and stop squeezing blood from those rocks. But yeah, they'll check that front page, and nothing really more then that.
So I still haven't been talking with my dad. For those tuning in, long story short, he tried to sex up his girlfriend instead of attending my graduation/art show. I was then blamed for not making it important enough to him, even though I called in advance to ask, I personally delivered his invitation, spoke of it for...roughly 4 months..>No! Ha! Longer then that, I was speaking of it around November 2009. What is that, 7 months? We'll go with 7 months. Couldn't bother taking an hour trip out. In fact, no one on my dad's side of the family bothered. My roommate (who is in the same class/art show) had relatives from Arkansas come up. They don't even come up for funerals.
So that next week is when the whole Ms. Grandmother "I can't lie to you and say that I honestly like your art" Radeck took me to a jewelry store to design a setting for a fire opal she's had forever. My brother got a watch that my great great grandfather carried around in WW1, presented to him like the fucking Olympic torch, and the ass-clown threw it into a box. So this fire opal, which has been talked to me like the damn Pink Panther is 6.8 Karats. It's huge. Before we find out the total, my grandmother tells me how she'd gladly spend up to 3K on a nice design, as long as i'll cherish it. The setting I design ends up costing around 1K - That's too much. Fire opal idea gets yanked. SENTIMENT IS FOR THE WEAK. Apparently. This is why I don't expect things from anyone anymore.
SOOO. These are the two people who are going to be running my SUPER SWEET GRADUATION PARTY OF EPIC AWESOMENESS. If you are not picking up the sarcasm on that one, lord have mercy on your soul. Btw, I haven't talked to either in at least a month. Also BTW, if my father can't spare a goddamn hour, how the hell is he going to run a grad party? We made this decision before things went sour, so I am glad it's happening. Buuut, already, things are crumbling. He's invited every person from both my mom's side and my dad's side....of course except my mom. Understandable, but still. Big...family party, and the only person whose actually been of help is banned from attending. It's like a big party of all the people who now, kinda frustrate me because they couldn't be bothered to take an interest. Or their interest stops just short of effort.
I got an e-mail from my grandmother saying that i'm getting the first invitation as the esteemed guest/artist. In that ...here, hold on, let me just copy it:
(e-mail previous to this just said i was excited for the party)
"Good. That's the spirit. We want to celebrate you and of course you will humbly accept all the gifts and complements on your beautiful artwork on display for all the guests. And as we spoil you with cash and complements you will be so resplendent in your creative way of saying thanks too. Right. That's the drama I am dreaming up for you.
Please plan to bring some of your beautiful artwork. It is good networking to start with friends and family and they can help broaden the following for your art career. You never know what can come out of it. But charm and magnanimity work wonders."
Because as you all know, i've been saying "FUCK YOU" to everyone who compliments my work. "Hey Andrea, I really like the colors on thi-" "FUCK YOU" I then proceed to punch them in the face and kick sand in thier face. Such is the role of an appointed black sheep. BADASSERY
She doesn't mean the way it comes out as. It's meant in a positive way,I hope, but phrased in a way that could be taken poorly. But it's more just a perfect example how i'm treated like a radioactive bomb sometimes. "Please be polite and respectful to those who take an interest in your work. Compliment them back" When have i EVER not done this? I've never been brash or angry with anyone who takes an interest, mostly because no one ever does. So when i DO get attention from someone I know about this, it always takes me a little by surprise, and I talk about them to it until it looks like they'll vomit. But I'm used to being hid like a bad child. For doing nothing bad. I don't get it either.
Anyways, ONTO THE CLOUD PAPER So in that previous e-mail, there's an attachment to a word document of my very beautiful invitations. What i see is something like "Come join us for Andrea's graduation. She graduates NIU. It's July 3rd. RSVP here" That's very much exactly how it is. Just 5 lines of center-lined words, very straight to the point. It looks a little like a coded prison message. I've been going all National Treasure on this shit, but I'm starting to think it's just a simple ass letter. Today i got an e-mail from my mom who was visiting my other grandmother (her mom) and she said she actually saw the invitations, and they're printed on those like..old computer cloud paper. you know....[link] just reads like "Fuck, what do we put these invitations on? I've had that old cloud paper from 1996, let's use that! Wait, does the situation really warrant cloud paper? Well, she draws clouds somtimes...I...I think. FUCK YES, SEND THAT SHIT OUT PRIORITY"
As I told my ma, I don't think i've ever been so pre-depressed for my own party. I'm not looking forward to it whatsoever. My only hope is to surround myself with friends to help eat the food like a well-organized pack of termites and leave before the verbal fights get bad. If I wasn't so god-damn poor, and money wasn't promised, I honestly wouldn't go. I don't know why it's irking me this bad, but I seriously think it's due that no one's gave a damn in the past. Why do they give a damn now? Why bother trying to feign more interest when I clearly know you don't give or know two and a half shits what I do? Honestly, I've tried to find those people to be interested. I've explained my sketchbook if anyone asks, i've reached out for support, and i'm always, always, always, ALWAYS shut down. Apparently the common response is to turn around and talk to someone else while i'm still talking. I gave up trying with that side of the family at least 2 years ago. With both sides, really. I've already been stressed about it, and the damn party is a month away.
I'll be sure to report the shenanigans when they happen.
EDIT: NOOOOOOOOOO
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