Gravity

May 2 2010


I'm done. I quit.

If there's one lesson to learn from all this, is that changing another person is a stupid, pointless task. If a person's going to be an asshole, they're going to stay an asshole. Unless you find a way to hypnotize them or give a well-executed lobotomy, there's no changing anyone. Take the lesson, kids, fight your battles where you can, when you can, because a lot of situations are just hopeless.

My relationship with my father'll probably never change from accessory status. What is an accessory child? You put it on when you feel like it, and neglect it exists when it's not. If said accessory goes missing, you might look once or twice, but you don't bother. If it happens to turn up, then yaaay, it's back, but your depth of caring for said item is pretty surface. Maybe I'm more like hideous cosmetic jewelery status, thinking on it.

For example, i was inconvenient by just being around last weekend. My father was first trying to dissuade me from coming home because it wasn't cost effective, his exact words, "You're coming home? Isn't that like twenty-something dollars in gas? Is that even worth it?" Which I said "Well, I wanted to visit you since you said your close friend passed away, maybe be supportive, something insane and retarded like that" in which, when I do get there, tells me we need to have a serious discussion about the next day. The discussion? Myt dad wants to sex up his girlfriend of 3 dates and 3 weeks and tells me I've got to get out by a certain time. Then suggest I jus "have a good time with my girlfriends," and suggests the friend who's working 3 12 hr shifts in one weekend. When I say "no, she's busy" he goes "Well, figure it out." and ends it like that.

But here's where the fun starts! I rent Boondock Saints 2 because I figure a little violence will make him feel better. When we sit down to watch it, I go to the DVD player and pull out...what do you think it is? That's right! 4 and 1/2 hours of Barely Legal 18 Yr old sluts! Wheeeeeee! Instead of talking about it like adults, he grabs the DVD and goes tittering off like a fucking 10 yr old schoolgirl, giggling like an immature douchelord up the stairs to put away his precious porn DVD. Then proceed to completely avoid that conversation for the rest of the weekend! Hooray for being adults!

In that timespan, he also manages to insult me that I can repeat a meaningful sentence like I have no idea what it means. But just the sake that I can repeat such a meaningful things, well, god damn, what a special girl I am. IE "When you said "The true price of friendship is Sorrow', even if you have no idea what it means, what a smart thing for you to say. You'll understand someday, Andrea" While my face is instantly changing from apprehension and understanding to "Whaat the fuck was that, sir?"

He also proceeds to buy me a meal of chicken terriaki. And as he's finished his nigiri and i'm still mowing away at my food, decides he wants it too and literally just jabs his fork in the middle of my meal and pulls half of what's left on his plate. That too got a "What the fuck!" face, which he picks up about as well as me telling it to his face (because whatever I say has a 34% chance of never really reaching his brain. I could talk for hours, and he will try...NOTHING, to try and give a damn about what i'm saying, then ask me about what I was just talking about three sentences after I say it.)

Cherry on top is that he thinks 50 USD and a Chile's giftcard's an awesome bribe for getting tossed out. PS, he refused to pay for my last year of college here and has now put me some 1500 dollars in debt, not to mention not paying for my rent any longer. Yeah, that 50 USD, that'll patch everything right up. Might as well include a banana next time. Maybe some colorful shapes as well. I'll also need a mirror to peck at because I think it's my own reflection.

The worst part of it might be that he's completely absolved himself of any blame. It's all someone else's problem. Always. It's your mom's fault i've done this or that *opens a fridge absolutely packed with beer* It's my fault for not telling him that the art show was important. My fault that it wasn't on the card. Probably be my fault that I wasn't taking pictures at my own damn show. It's pretty evident that most of you, at this time, would've told him to fuck off. I've been doing my best to cut my dad some slack, but the man is unbearable. Maybe a better question, who would put up with this?

I'm going to e-mail him. I'm gonna be as adult as possible, a skill that you can bet I picked up on my own, but I'm going to let him know exactly how angry I am. Then i probably won't talk to him for a long, long time. I'm done babysitting.