You Want Happy Ending?

/ horrible racist stereotypes

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER doodling my sketchy mc crappy sketches and making that dog face with a hat where you use the # 25, I remember the people I watched on deviantart who were pumping out commissions left and right, suddenly refusing to take any commissions at all. And I laughed at them. HOW SPOILED they were to have such a gift and to be completely stuck up about sharing it, FOR MONEY. WHAT A LAUGH. If I had that talent, I'd do commissions until my fingers were crippled in pain and fell off, and even then i'd paint with my toes until those fell off too. The idea that a person would work so hard to do something they loved, only to wrap up tightly within themselves and never share that gift again. It baffled me.

I'm uh...not so baffled anymore.

These past 3 days alone been's pretty, well, interesting. Long story short, I can't help but feel like a dirty prostitute through my own actions, and through people's words to me. If nothing else, I'm a damn industrious whore, good to my word. But a skank none the less.

In one situation regarding a dangly badge, after I told the person thier directions were not clear, they told me to ...hold on I can get the exact wording for you: " I paid you a little extra on this work, you could make an effort. I've been patient, really nice, but now it's over. I've paid you more than you asked to so this work and you're gonna finish it!" and of course this is out of context, i was fully being crabby on my own rights. But this comment was still pretty out of the blue. Reading this, I mean, you can't help but feel like you're worth absolutely nothing, that you're there to pump out artwork and nothing else. That situation was resolved, either way.

In another, I had a commissioner hounding me about getting a sketch done; even though I told them that I was going to a convention, and that I would be absent some days after while I looked for a place to live, and maybe take a few days off past that, because driving 7 hours, well, gets a little tiring. So I get another note about it, and I tell them yes, i can start your sketch, give me a few hours and i'll get it out to you. So i pull my tired, sick ass out of bed, fiddle around with the composition a few time, and sketch it up. I show it to them, they ask for changes. Open photoshop back up, make the changes, show it again. They want more changes. Open up photoshop, make the changes, show it again. They want more changes. Open up photoshop, change it again, show it again. They liked it the second time. Change it back a bit, finally come to an agreeance on the picture. I give them the amount it'll cost and my paypal, and there's an issue- The price is too high. Also, btw, go ahead and start painting but i'm going on vacation until the 5th. I've sent notes since then, and all of them are read, but never returned. I tear out my hair and move onto the next commissioner. I'm still sick.

in another, i'm asking a person if they'd like me to personalize their badge , laminate and ship it out to them, and the only response back is "it is going to cost me money"

I dunno. I love bringing your guys's visions to life, I love painting and expressing our collaborative artistic babies, I love working with you all. But sometimes I feel like i'm trying to reach out and hug a cactus. That is a seriously stupid simile, but it's adequate. The commissioning process for artists is just as horrible as it can be for commissioners. Given enough bad responses, I completely understand why some people would ward it off altogether. It's like if you owned a shitty toaster (this is especially apt because I DO own a shitty toaster that does just this); and 1 out of 10 times you used it, it shocks you. You'd throw the damn thing away after enough shocks, right? Unless you're a masochist and you really need toast?

Junco always needs toast to sate her habits of buying reference books that earns her MORE TOAST. meh. I dunno. Maybe i'll take a month or two off after this round of commissions are over. Maybe i'll just start up new commissions in January. I dunno. Your thoughts? How to other artists cope with this?